Shannon Knight

This picture is of me playing on the beach with my niece. There is so much more here than meets the eye. I look happy and playful I was holding all my fear inside. The doctors told me the cancer was aggressive and just spreading. They said chemotherapy was the only option, and I had decided against it. I chose CMN Alternative Cancer Treatment. If I did the toxic drugs, I would be sicker. It was September 2010 the afternoon I got the news from my oncologist that my cancer was getting worse. Stage 4 breast cancer metastasis to my bones, all lobes of my lungs, lymph nodes and soft tissue, I had a staph infection in my lungs and pneumonia.

My twin sister upon hearing the news, came and picked me up and drove me to the beach. She saved me that day. I remember her playing music from the good old days in high school and singing to me. She tried cheering me up, looking back; I don’t know how she did it. I would be devastated if I heard the same news about her. She’s strong on the outside, but I know she was breaking on the inside. Now and then I’d start panicking and crying on the drive and I’d put my head in my lap. I was panicking about dying. We had a great day at the beach, but it felt like my last trip there, every moment felt like a goodbye.Madison her daughter (My niece) so wise beyond her years would say things to cheer me up, she always senses things no matter what. Very amazing.

As the sun started to hang lower, hiding behind Paradise Cove, it felt familiar like all the other days that had passed. It felt like the show was over the curtain was coming down life. I can remember holding in my fear and panicking, acting as if everything was all right. I don’t know if my son and daughter knew my fear. I walked under the pier to the other side to be alone. Here I was in Malibu wondering if this would be the last time I would see the beach.

I dropped down in the sand and then laid back surrendering every fear I had to the vast sky and the sound of the ocean. There were sounds around me were louder, the fragrant sea air was stronger than I had ever experienced in my life. I would remember this moment. I felt pain pressing on my heart as I allowed myself to think of loved ones who passed away. My two aunts, my grandparents I thought if I die at least I’ll be reuniting with loving souls. I  was exhausted but felt the fight in me.  This must be wrong, I had so much still to do. I felt a passionate surge of emotion and this is when I started to plead my case to the Lord. I made my promise to God that this was the day, the life changing moment for me!

I tried reasoning with God. I compared my wish to live while other people who had a death wish. Please allow me an opportunity to help others like myself. Even if it’s “ten people”, let me stay and beat this cancer. I wanted to get healthy. “Let me help other cancer, patients!” I said, I can do so much more here than I can in heaven, let me live and I’ll show you. I do believe I had faith at least the size of a mustard seed; I just felt I needed to have this serious talk with God.

I have faith and it is important in everything I do. I am keeping the promise I made it was a calling that was loud and clear. I have so much gratitude for my healing and the healing of others everywhere.

I took a walk later when I felt like I was going to lose it emotionally and I just needed to come to terms with death. I walked under the dock to the other side of paradise cove in Malibu, I laid down on the sand and I stared up at the sky thinking of all my loved ones that had already gone before me. There was a feeling of acceptance, but then it just felt all wrong, like I had so much still to do.I felt a sudden passion run through me with the Lord and I made my promise to God, this was the day, the life changing moment for me!